I check my phone… 20 missed calls!! WTF!!
I couldn’t hear my phone over the music.
now, I just try for the music to spirit me away
funny how I remember associating music with her
Melancholy tracks of “go on now GO!! Walk out that door!!!”
and “don’t it make my brown eyes blue”… My earliest memories…
Watching her dance and being mesmerised by her fluid stance.
It’s funny how you remember the little things in such vivid detail
I heard the news and I fainted (the thought of that still irks me badly)
then it was as though I was shocked back to reality, I bolted upright and
headed straight for my bag then towards my car looking like a complete maniac
bounding over picnic bags and unfolded mats, surprisingly I did not bump into anyone
the only thought in my mind get to my brother and talk to him out of the corner
of my eye I see Izekor running almost parallel to me… it’s all in slow motion.
I pick up my phone to speak to my bro to confirm what I don’t want to believe,
All I want to say is “say it aint so” and all I get is “I guess you have heard the news”
I feel as though the wind got knocked out of me and I end up on my knees
The tears start streaming… a surge of anger reminiscent to days gone by when
I watched the skies and cursed the ground for my then torrid circumstance
2 parking attendants walk over and ask if I am okay… I can’t answer
Zak answers for me… “He just had some really bad news”… I then realise where I am
I feel a hand touch my shoulder asking me to get up…
It’s all an echo I hear the sounds from a distance and now I am fading in and out of consciousness
K I T… Keep It Together…. I keep repeating over and over in my head
I start trying to piece pieces of the puzzle together, the how, the whys, the who’s, the WTF’s
I try to make sense of something that’s similar to the elusive grail
It’s never going to feel better as I am always going to still this time captured in the moment
It’s not going to be okay even though I am going round the bend I put a happy face on things
but don’t ask how I am feeling, you really don’t want to know but someday you will understand as we all will pay back a debt owed
Just my thoughts for the moments gone by
I feel guilty.
Cecelia I miss you
© Seyi sage Awolesi… Wordsmith… 1602200906